You know what

The past three weeks of my life have been really fucked up. But the past three days have been really alright:

Road trip with Baffles, friend dying, BFF leaving, mental meltdowns.

But wait:

Braces off, water skiing, beer with friends, outdoor concerts.

So when shit hits the fan, just give it time, people. Or if that fails, get the fuck out of New York for a while.

For Katie and Kevin on Their Departure from New Jersey and in Anticipation of Their Arrival in Pittsburgh

A Banner Morning

Having been uprooted from my room due to bed bugs, I have moved into the entire rest of the apartment. I turned the library into my bedroom and the living room into my closet. My apologies to my roomies. Over the weekend I washed almost all of my clothes, and have been keeping them in an over-size shopping bag; last night, to keep them as out of the way as possible, I wedged the bag between a chair and the wall. Very subtle.

This morning I got up at 6.30 to pack for my trip. It's 7.20 and I haven't done shit yet. There was a dead mouse in the kitchen. What's that, three in two days? Here's the real kicker though: I found a live bed bug crawling on the living room wall. When I tried to kill it, it fell. Down. Toward the ground. And landed in my open bag of newly clean, bed-bug free clothes. A brightly-lit banner flashed in my mind, as on Broadway marquees of old: "TOO PATHETIC TO BE A LIE, STARRING ALICE YORKE, EIGHT SHOWS A WEEK, NOW AND FOREVER WHEREVER ALICE GOES!" Admission is free to this never-ending story, catch it before I go crazy.