The Big Texas-Sized Finale

So my predictions were right. Thursday afternoon we went out to eat and then did some house hunting. We ate at a place called Brio and I got lobster bisque and salmon over angel hair pasta. Delicious! Then we got a chocolate sandwich for dessert. I'm not kidding. It was toasted bread covered with cinnamon-sugar butter then smeared with nutella, served with strawberries and a vanilla cream dipping sauce. Yowza. Yow-za. I started to say "ay chihuahua" a lot in Dallas, don't ask me why. I sort of love it though. After that we drove around some more, stumbling first upon John McCain Road (!) and then upon the Rumson of Dallas suburbs. HUGE houses and every one of them exactly the same as the one before. All brick, all huge and seven-gabled, all ugly. I don't get it, it's like invasion of the house-snatchers. Imagine waking up to find that your house had been replaced with a non-feeling, brick replica of the one you had the night before. And then over time, finding that all your neighbors' houses had been snatched as well! I for one would move! (Or, not move there to begin with, in this case).

But anyway, after that came the best part of the trip. I decided to forgo the first mall because it was outside and it was too cold out to willingly put oneself outside, so instead I opted for the second, the Grapevine Mills Mall. It was indoors and right next door to the huge convention center/hotel where my dad was meeting work people--the Gaylord Texan. Yes, that's really what it's called. And people don't seem to make jokes about it, either. Anywhoo, Pops and I had already visited the Mills Mall on a previous occaision: we went to the Books-A-Million hoping to find books about Dallas and came out empty handed. Literally no books about Dallas, not even a magazine. So I decided not to start my shopping trip there. Instead I started at Steve and Barry's, a store that one can find in the Manhattan Mall that was once known merely for its low-priced sweatshirts and baseball hats, but is now more famous for its celebrity clothing lines, including Venus William's "Eleven", Amanda Bynes's "Dear" and SJP's "Bitten." As you may know, I am not an endorser of celebrity clothing lines. I once rejected the softest pair of underpants I had ever felt because Jennifer Lopez made them and they were like air, silky, silky air. However, I am now a convert to the SJP cause. I walked out of that store with $90 worth of merchandise, and that was a lot of stuff: a dress, a down vest, a suit vest, a tee-shirt, earrings for The Fashionista, mittens, a bag, and sneakers. All of it only $8.98. Everything in the store was on sale for 9 bucks. I even made shopping friends during the nearly 2 hours I spent in that store; we would pass each other and wonder aloud if it was really real, and trade the joys of a good find and the sorrows of it not being in your size. I even found jeans that fit me. JEANS. that FIT. ME! Of course, I didn't buy them because the only one in my size had a broken zipper, but I'll be back to Steve and Barry's, oh I'll be back! I'm also pre-disposed to the store because my step-uncles are named Steve and Barry. Their sister's name is Peeka. It's really Susan, but we all call her Peeka. I also went to another store and bought an adorable dress for $25.

Normally, spending a hundred dollars is torture for me. I don't really like shopping and definitely don't like spending money. In fact, last night we were shredding my mom's old bank documents and we found my pass-book from HS which was a record of all my bank activity for three years---I made three withdrawls in three years, and one was just transferred to open another account. I don't spend. However, leaving the Grapevine Mills Mall, I discovered what Retail Therapy was, and it was glorious. The world was my fucking oyster and I was going to eat that mollusk like it was my job. Now, they didn't have oysters at the mall, but they did have Dad's root beer. So I bought that. And drank it. And it was good, and this is from Miss No-Thanks-Water's-Fine. Now, I didn't it all, or even half of it, but I still drank some of it.

Then I drove the Gaylord and waited in the parking lot for an hour reading Children of Men because I didn't want to pay $12 to park for an hour. But it got really cold in that car. Finally I went to pick up my dad and went inside this place. It is huge. Unfathomably big. And the inside is designed like some sort of Texan grotto. Bridges and streams and waterfalls and a glass ceiling with a huge star in Christmas lights. There was even a canyon with a covered wagon and a replica of an old-tyme train! Then we went back to the hotel were I ate left-overs of prime rib. Such was the high of my shopping excursion that I even considered going in the hot-tub at the hotel. The outdoor hot-tub. Then I realized that it was 30 degrees outside and if I got in it I would never leave. Instead I packed and went to bed.

Next morning we meet with a realtor, Joan, who takes us to several different townhouses, some of which were pretty nice. But the best thing about that trip was Joan's Cadillac. The back seat has not only its own heat controls, but a butt warmer with back warmer option and a button that changes the lumbar support in your seat. You can roll it higher or lower, and have it recede into the seat if you don't want it, or have it bulge out if you need a lot. It was awesome. I hope my road to fame leads me to a Caddy. The car and the golf guy, I'll need both when I'm famous and wealthy.

Then we go to the airport, no problem now that I've got my license. Get some food at Au Bon Pain--very Texan--check out the big fire some place on the tarmac (pictures to come on Facebook), and get on the plane! No delay this time! In fact, the plane got in early! But still no TVs or meals. Oh well. The driver who picked us up was quite rotund (that was the dispatcher's word), and could barely squeeze into the front seat when some huge mini-van parked right alongside the taxi. Then the backseat doors wouldn't open. Not from the inside or the outside. We finally got in, but that was pretty unnerving. I decided that in the event of a fire it was every man to himself and that I would push over the fat man to get to the working door. You've got to be ruthless.

So then I was home, yay! I also had an exciting non-Dallas weekend that I'll relate in brief. Saturday Kevyn and his brother and I took their mom to see Wicked. It was good. We ate a nearby restaurant. Not so good, the lasagna burned the shit out of my mouth. Then Kevyn and I saw Mad Money in Times Square and thought a fight was going to erupt in the theatre. Then we went uptown to Steve Yates's place and drank mini Heinekens. We didn't know they were mini when we bought them, but they were tiny. It was there that I discovered that Tony Daussat, who I knew to be from Texas, grew up in Grapevine!! How crazy!! Sunday we came back to my mom's house, played an awesome game called Hoopla (by the makers of Cranium) and Kevyn, the Fashionista and I went to see 27 Dresses. I'll say this: Kevyn preferred Mad Money. It was a very cute movie, but they didn't spend enough time on dreamy James Marsden, concentrating instead on an insipid side-plot about Heigel's sister and boss, neither of whom was very good at a thing we call Acting.

Yesterday was boring, I stayed inside all day and cleaned my room and--Oh! Got my computer working! I'm on it right now for the first time in nearly two years! Wooo! Today I'm going to apply for an internship and then go into the city and get burgers a la peanut butter day. Corinne, I'm sorry you won't be there, Katie's covering for you.

Okay, that's all. Wow. So much stuff.